I have been thinking about prayer lately. I know of a church that recently started a prayer group. This group gets together weekly to pray for the ministers and members of the congregation. The church is grateful to them.

Walk through one of our local hospitals and you’ll find ministers and laypeople of all varieties of Christian denominations, praying with and for the sick and dying. The recipients of such prayer are usually grateful.

But being prayed for is not always well received. In fact, in portions of the South the words “I’ll pray for you” (delivered with an air of condescension) can be a stinging insult—an odious assertion from one whose facade of perfection is intact, that yours is not.

Beyond this, though, some people are apparently triggered by well intended offerings of “thoughts and prayers” by ordinary people in the wake of tragedies, such as the depressingly frequent mass shootings that have taken place in schools and workplaces. A CNN article from 2018 describes How ‘thoughts and prayers’ went from common condolence to cynical meme”. Author A.J. Willingham tells us that “The phrase has gone from sincere to funny, but not in a ha-ha way.”

Today, in the wake of the tragic suicide of Jeremy Richman, father of Sandy Hook shooting victim Avielle Richman, an editorial in the Hartford Courant screams “Keep the thoughts and prayers and ban AR-15s instead”:

The mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, wives, husbands and other family members whose lives have been broken by mass shootings don’t need thoughts and prayers.   What they need — what we all need — is to get military-style assault weapons off our streets, out of our schools and out of our lives

Now, this is a disturbing sentiment, and I’ll explain my reaction to this momentarily. I’ll leave the gun control issue aside—You’ll find that Christians are on both sides of the gun control debate (I’m generally for stricter gun control laws).

Furthermore, I’ll acknowledge some merit to the idea that prayers should be accompanied by deeds. Christians agree with this. Jesus taught this (for example, in the “Parable of the Good Samaritan”). James wrote that “faith without works is dead”. We don’t just sit around in meditation booths and marinate in our own thoughts—that’s dead faith. Pope Francis, who is spiritual leader over no small number of Christians, is quoted as saying “Prayer that doesn’t lead to concrete action toward our brothers is a fruitless and incomplete prayer” … “prayer and action must always be profoundly united.” (Catholic News Agency)

So why do I find myself disturbed by the editorial rather than shouting “amen”? Well, in one headline an editor has managed to crassly politicize a personal tragedy, and also to insult a host of ordinary people who would like to express empathy and kindness. Even looking at only the “thoughts” side of this maligned phrase, as Ben Rowan notes in The Atlantic:

For those that aren’t religious and do not pray, according to Ladd, the first half of “thoughts and prayers” offers a secularized alternative—much like “happy holidays” is to “merry Christmas.” It allows participation in the same communal ritual, which can compel a sense of social cohesion.

Essentially the sentiment “Keep your thoughts to yourself” comes across to me as “share my political beliefs or F*€k off.” Kindness itself is being assaulted here.  Kindness which is offered to others indiscriminately allows for connection beyond the differences of religion and other barriers, and is a stitch in the fabric of society. Eliminate such small scale kindness and empathy and we move one step closer to disintegration.

On the topic of prayer, it should be recognized that this Hartford Courant editorial is not a Christian critique inviting Christians to reflect on the need to back prayer with action. This is rather a cynical and secular critique that sees prayer as inaction. The assumption appears to be that prayer is not needed because it is ineffective. It is a self gratifying form of meditation at best, a mere murmuring into the void, since no one is on the other end actually listening to prayers. To the hordes of people who believe in God and the power of prayer, this kind of message comes across as a slap, a repudiation of their beliefs; it sounds like, “if you are the sort who prays, then get lost; we don’t need your kind.”

However, Christians pray not out of timidity in the face of existential emptiness, nor out of guilt, nor as a weapon of oppression against nonbelievers. We pray because we are commanded to do so, by none other than Jesus himself. Not praying is not an option for us. We are furthermore told that despite all the mysteries surrounding prayer, it actually works. “The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” says James 5:16.

So to my fellow Christians I would say “pray on.”  Do couple prayer with appropriate actions—God could do it all, but for reasons that are mysterious, God often chooses us to be the instruments of Divine mercy and aid. Even pray for those who see themselves as your enemy, for those who irrationally hate you for not being progressive enough, and who tell you to “keep your prayers”; for as Jesus said, in his famous Sermon on the Mount:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.(Matthew 5:43-44)

To those who receive these expressions of “thoughts and prayers” in the midst of tragedy, I would encourage you to try to accept the sentiment with some grace and forebearance, and try to love those whom you see as enemies. I would ask you to see these particular words as at the very least an expression of empathy and common humanity.  At most, they are an earnest attempt by Christians to actually do something.

(Note: Scripture references are from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version).